Your Grocer's Frozen Dairy Case

Open Up That Golden Gate (5/28/07)

2009-04-03T02:17:00.000-07:00

It's one of the most photographed things on Earth and instantly identifies San Francisco, so as we note its 70th anniversary, here are eight things you might not know about the Golden Gate Bridge.

It isn't gold at all; it's International Orange.
It was opened to automobiles when President Franklin Roosevelt pressed a telegraph key in the White House.
On its 50th anniversary, so many people crowded onto it that the span actually flattened.
It is estimated that someone jumps off of the Bridge every 15 days, almost always facing the city.
The Bridge's main cables each contain 25,572 separate wires and weigh 11,000 tons.
The concrete used in the construction could build two 10-foot-wide sidewalks from Chicago to Omaha.
High winds have closed the Bridge five times.
Each day, tidal flows send 390 billion gallons of water in motion under the Bridge.

The Man Who Invented Television Comedy (5/14/07)

2009-04-03T02:15:00.000-07:00

The 20th century saw artists who broke the rules of what had gone before. In art, there was Picasso; in music, it was Igor Stravinsky; and in television, Ernie Kovacs changed the medium forever. Kovacs began his all-too-short career in the early 1950s, and soon saw opportunities for the new technology that no one else did. His style was eclectic, mixing sophisticated references with quick sight gags. Kovacs would try anything, whether it was spending $50,000 for a 6-second sight gag, doing an entire show with no dialogue, or creating performance art with the Nairobi Trio. Even though he began appearing in movies, he never abandoned television, innovating and expanding what could be done. Kovacs was killed in a car crash in 1962, and his influence has been seen in the work of such personalities as Steve Allen, David Letterman, and the casts of "Saturday Night Live."

Beware the Sockless Menace! (5/8/07)

2009-04-03T02:12:00.000-07:00

One of humankind's greatest achievements is the sock. It comes in a variety of sizes, colors, and shapes, all of which are dedicated to the task of keeping our tootsies toasty. As with most advancements of civilization, though, someone usually comes along to throw a monkey-wrench in the works. In this case, it's the (no doubt well-meaning) folks who have brought us "No Socks Day." No socks!? Are they crazy? Sure, they say it's "to give you more of a sense of freedom," but we know what its real intention is: it's a plot by Communists or aliens -- or someone -- to get us to keep our feet unprotected so that we all catch colds or step on rusty nails or... something. We're no fools, though: Come May 8, we'll be wearing an extra pair of socks in order to thwart their dastardly plan. No socks? They might as well tell us to come to work in pajamas, or to drill holes in our heads.

Roger Ebert's Overlooked Film Festival (4/25/07)

2009-04-03T02:10:00.000-07:00

Around the world every year, thousands of films are produced. Some are hits, some are flops, but there are still hundreds and hundreds of pictures that are ignored, forgotten, or just plain overlooked. That's where Roger Ebert comes in. Since 1999, Ebert -- playing off his decades of television film reviews -- has taken over a small theatre in Champaign, Illinois and shown overflow audiences the movies they missed. While the definition of "overlooked" might be somewhat strained for Ebertfest ("Patton," "La Dolce Vita," and "2001: A Space Odyssey"?), filmgoers will feast on such rarities as "Sadie Thompson" and "Beyond the Valley of the Dolls" (with a screenplay by an unknown scriptwriter named... Roger Ebert). Though Ebert's health has not been the best of late, he'll attend this year's festival (beginning with today's screening of "Gattaca"), if only from the audience. So for Ebert and his movie feast, we give a hearty "two thumbs up."

Raise a Stein to the Craft Brewers! (4/18/07)

2009-04-03T02:09:00.000-07:00

Humans have been brewing beer for over 8,000 years. The basic ingredients of water and grain haven't changed, but the past few decades have seen the mass production of barley soda give way to artisanal brews, hand-crafted in flavors from sweet to bitter and all points in between. Today's tastes include ingredients as diverse as chocolate, corn grits, and apples. But no brew -- no matter how tall or frosty -- is perfect, so this weekend, hundreds of microbrewers will converge on Austin, Texas, for the annual Craft Brewers Conference to enjoy four days of seminars (and hospitality suites) all in the name of building a better beer. The days when Grandpa had a still in the cellar to foil the authorities are long gone, now replaced by friendly brewpubs where, even if everyone doesn't know your name, they'll still serve you a cold mug of suds and listen to your troubles.

And Now, A Man Who's Turning 60 Today: David Letterman! (4/12/07)

2009-04-03T02:07:00.000-07:00

TV was different in 1982. Most stations signed off at midnight, and night owls had little to watch. But in February 1982, "Late Night with David Letterman" premiered. Viewers willing to stay up past 12:30 a.m. were confronted with odd characters doing strange things and a host who wore suits of Velcro, sponges, and Rice-Krispies. Shows were done from hotel rooms or turned upside-down. Dave argued with guests or brought estranged couples together. There were Top Ten Lists, Stupid Human and Pet Tricks, things crushed by a steamroller or thrown off of buildings. NBC was never quite sure of how to deal with Dave and his crew, and after an epic battle with the network, he took his show to CBS, where he's remained since 1993. Johnny Carson considered Dave to be his successor as the King of Late Night. And so on this, Dave's 60th birthday, we take a moment to wake the kids and phone the neighbors to wish him Happy DA Birthday VE.

Have Fun at Work: One Day Only (4/5/07)

2009-04-03T02:06:00.000-07:00

We've heard that "all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy," which makes us wonder if there's really a way to combine work and fun. No one wants to do drudge work, but there are some jobs -- brain surgeon, airline pilot -- that you really don't want to be performed by some clown. So where's the middle ground? That happy medium that allows us to be productive (and keeps our bosses happy), and keeps our jobs from being something we dread? Fortunately, there are actually people whose job it is to devise solutions to dilemmas like this. Not only have they declared April 5 National Fun at Work Day, but the whole week of April 1-7 is Laugh at Work Week. We can't guarantee that your boss will approve your request to spend the day throwing pies in your pajamas, but it just might help lighten him up.

Walking on Air (3/26/07)

2009-04-03T02:04:00.000-07:00

Acrophobics, beware! March 28 is your worst nightmare come true, for today marks the opening of the Grand Canyon Skywalk, the highest man-made structure ever built. The Skywalk sits higher than the Taipei 101 building; higher off the ground than three Empire State Buildings or four Eiffel Towers. So high that one has to wonder if even Superman could leap it in a single bound. And the worst part? The only thing separating those who dare to venture out on the catwalk suspended nearly a mile above the Canyon floor is a thin sheet of clear Plexiglass. Oh, sure, they say it'll hold the equivalent of 71 747s, but who wants to take the chance? The idea of watching helicopters fly under our feet gives us the willies. While it may seem tempting, unless we suddenly develop an uncanny ability to float in midair, we'll stick to terra firma.

The Shot Viewed Round the World (3/21/07)

2009-04-03T02:03:00.000-07:00

Murderers don't like witnesses; there's something about homicide that brings out the loner in people. But an attempted murder on the evening of March 21, 1980, wasn't like most shootings: this violent act had 300 million witnesses. Ruthless Texas oilman J.R. Ewing was gunned down and left for dead by a person, or persons, unknown in his Dallas office. The crime captured the world's attention for eight months as fans and armchair detectives around the globe tried to answer the burning question: Who shot J.R.? Was it Sue Ellen, J.R.'s long-suffering wife? Was it Bobby, his brother? Or did his mother, Miss Ellie, finally reach the limits of her patience? When the answer finally came in November, 41 million Americans were interested enough to give the show the then-largest audience in TV history (it still ranks second). If you weren't one of the millions glued to the set to find out who did shoot J.R., we won't spoil the mystery. But we will warn you, never underestimate the power of a woman scorned.

A Slice of Pi (3/14/07)

2009-04-03T02:01:00.000-07:00

3.141592 may look like some kind of phone number, but for the mathematically inclined, those numbers have a special significance -- they're the first few digits of pi. We're not talking about delicious baked desserts, but rather the ratio of a circle's circumference to its diameter. And March 14 -- or 3/14 -- is Pi Day! Celebrating a fraction may seem like an odd thing to do, but you know what party animals mathematicians are! Any excuse to eat pizza and drink piña coladas -- and especially at one minute to 2:00 pm (3/14, 1:59 being the first six digits of pi) -- well, just stand clear of the piñatas, pine nuts, and pineapples, 'cause you know where the hot geek-on-geek action will be! But you can do more than just eat; you can convert circles into radians, or go for a 3.14 mile run. If that's too strenuous, though, we recommend sitting down and watching a good movie and eating some delicious homemade snacks.

Chuck Norris Rules the World (3/9/07)

2009-04-03T01:59:00.000-07:00

Some say he was born in a log cabin that he built himself. Legend, perhaps, but the one sure thing is that his birth occurred on March 10, 1940, in Ryan, Oklahoma -- which makes him 67 years old this weekend. Who are we talking about? Chuck Norris: the man, the legend, the Internet phenomenon. How Norris grew from martial arts champion and movie star to the guy more or less in charge of the universe is unclear (most sources cite Conan O'Brien's show, but how does a natural phenomenon like Chuck or an earthquake or a hurricane "start?"), but facts don't seem to matter; Chuck is. Any man who can count both Whoopi Goldberg and George W. Bush among his friends is truly a force to be reckoned with. So who cares if he did or didn't count to infinity -- twice? All we know is that at the age when most men settle into quiet retirement, he could still kick our ass -- and yours -- and anyone else's.

Diamonds for Elizabeth (2/27/07)

2009-04-03T01:58:00.000-07:00

Today we honor the birthday of Dame Elizabeth Rosemond Taylor Hilton Wilding Todd Fisher Burton Burton Warner Fortensky (whew!), and how appropriate is it that her 75th birthday is also her diamond anniversary? Elizabeth (not "Liz"; never "Liz") was a star from the age of 9, when she appeared in her first picture, and barely a day has gone by since then when she wasn't in the public eye. Despite her ups and downs, she's been the personification of glamour -- and used her notoriety to champion her favorite causes, most notably AIDS research. But more than a mere icon, she's an actress of power and grace, being nominated for five Academy Awards (winning two), not to mention being the first actress to earn a million dollars for a film and ranking seventh in a list of the greatest film actresses of all time. We may not be able to give her diamonds, but we'll definitely hoist a chicken in her honor.

The Talk of the Town (2/21/07)

2009-04-03T01:55:00.000-07:00

If Eustace Tilly himself had been searching for the unlikeliest person to edit a magazine about sophistication in New York, he couldn't have done much better than Harold Ross. Despite being a high-school dropout, Ross fell in with the Algonquin Round Table -- the group that defined American wit in the 1920s -- and used their talents to create a magazine that was "not edited for the old lady in Dubuque." Ross was the brain of The New Yorker, and its heart was E.B. White, whose clean prose informed the magazine's style, and whose influence spread far beyond Manhattan. Since its first issue, dated February 21, 1925, virtually every major American writer, photographer, or cartoonist -- James Thurber, John Updike, Dorothy Parker, John Hersey, Ring Lardner, Richard Avedon, R. Crumb, and Truman Capote, and scores of others -- has appeared in the magazine's pages. So, on your 81st birthday, Mr. Tilley, we say to you anything except "the hell with it."

Say It With Flowers... or Bullets (2/14/07)

2009-04-03T01:53:00.000-07:00

Most friends and lovers send their Valentine's greetings in the usual way: candy, flowers, cards. But Al Capone was anything but a "usual" guy. In 1929, when he wanted to make his feelings for rival Bugs Moran known, his Cupids didn't use arrows. They used Thompson submachine guns loaded with kisses, not covered in chocolate but in lead. Seven members of the Moran gang met their ends that day, including one who refused to turn stool pigeon, insisting, "Nobody shot me." The garage where the massacre took place was torn down in 1967, and the bricks were sold to a businessman who used them in the men's room of his restaurant. When that building was demolished, he tried selling the bricks individually, but buyers kept returning them, claiming they were cursed. And that lot in Chicago? Passers-by still report strange noises and feelings of fear. One assumes those whispers are something other than sweet nothings.

To Serve Man (2/9/07)

2009-04-03T01:52:00.000-07:00

If there's one taboo common to all human cultures, it's cannibalism. Yet, since the dawn of recorded time (and before), anthropophagy has been both practiced discreetly and used openly to smear one's enemies. There just seems to be something in the idea that whets people's appetites. From Shakespeare to Monty Python, we can't get our fill of cannibalism. There are even two musicals about it. What student hasn't made a restaurant reservation for "Donner: party of five" or joked about a distasteful side-dish being composed of Soylent Green? And who could forget America's favorite cannibal, that gruesome gourmet Hannibal Lecter? There's enough curiosity about "long pig" that not only did an enterprising reporter roast some up (it tastes like veal, apparently), but also a hoaxster tried to market tofu-based "hufu." One thing's for sure. If you receive a book called "To Serve Man," run for the hills.

The Golden Arches Turn Red (1/31/07)

2009-04-03T01:50:00.000-07:00

In the bleak days of the Soviet Union, consumer goods were scarce, but wise shoppers knew they could head to the local Универсам (supermarket) and pick up some mystery meat for supper. Soviets with a little pocket money might make a beeline to their favorite кафе (cafe) for a hearty bowl of борщ (borshch). All of that changed on January 31, 1990, though, when arch-capitalist McDonald's opened their first ресторан (restaurant) in Москва. Микки Дc (Mickey D's) was soon the hottest thing since sliced хлеб (bread), serving 30,000 people on the first day alone. The McDonald's in Pushkin Square is still the company's busiest outlet, and the chain has expanded to 103 locations, serving more than 200,000 hungry Russians a day. But the Биг Мак isn't the only convenience food option for Muscovites on the go. Ronald McDonald has been joined by such chains as Subway, TGI Friday's, and even the homegrown Rostik's. So if you're ever in Moscow, drop by; you never know who you might see.

Tunarama (1/26/07)

2009-04-03T01:47:00.000-07:00

Consider the life of the tuna. Mr. Limpet wished for such an existence: "A fish can swim," he sang. "That's all they ask of him." While its life may seem blissful, the tuna has much to deal with. It takes everything our finny friends can do to avoid the fisherman's net. (Of course, there are exceptions.) Even if they do escape, they still face being poisoned. And for that unlucky number who are caught, the humiliations don't cease even upon their deaths. Their corpses are tossed around like sacks of potatoes and their flesh is subjected to strange recipes. There's even a town in Australia that devotes an entire weekend to the ritual humiliation of the noble Thunnus, offering prizes to the sadist who tosses the tuna's carcass the farthest. With no safety on land, in the air, or in the sea, the tuna may need to take a cue from the catfish and start digging.

The Greatest of All Time Turns 65 (1/17/07)

2009-04-03T01:46:00.000-07:00

Have you ever done something that made you want to kick yourself? Or, more specifically, not done something? Today is Muhammad Ali's 65th birthday, an occasion that sent this writer strolling down Memory Lane. In the mid-1980s, at a Burger King on Wilshire Blvd in Los Angeles, what did I see but a gold convertible Rolls-Royce? Behind the wheel was none other than the Heavyweight Champion of the World, Muhammad Ali. The Champ was greeting fans, shaking hands, and generally basking in his fame. Yours truly was certainly a fan, but I decided to forego the chance to meet Ali -- a decision that haunts to this day. The lesson to be learned? Never turn down an opportunity to thank someone you admire, whether famous, infamous, or unknown. Mr. Ali, if you happen to be reading this today, Happy Birthday -- and I'd still love to shake your hand.

Studio Whisky on the Sunset Strip (1/11/07)

2009-04-03T01:44:00.000-07:00

Sunset Boulevard runs 22 miles from the heart of Hollywood to the Pacific Ocean. But there's one mile-and-a-half stretch of this thoroughfare that draws tourists from around the world, and few of them are searching for a sublime sunset. Most people hit the Sunset Strip in hopes of catching some showbiz glamour. Even though the Strip has been populated at one time or another by such landmarks as Schwab's Drugstore, the Garden of Allah, Tower Records, Dudley Do-Right's Emporium, the Comedy Store, the Chateau Marmont, and a forest of billboards, the heart of the Boulevard may be the Whisky a Go-Go, which opened on January 11, 1964. The Whisky was the first American incarnation of the French revolution called the discotheque and featured young hipsters, go-go girls, and a house band known as The Doors. Rival clubs such as the Roxy and the Rainbow soon sprang up, weathering such musical revolutions as the British Invasion, punk, and metal. Genres come and go, but the sun has not yet set on the Whisky.

Dangerous Toys, My Eye! (12/24/06)

2009-04-03T01:42:00.000-07:00

Every year about this time, some group of buttinsky do-gooders comes along with a list of "dangerous" toys that parents should avoid just because some kiddie somewhere might swallow something or put an eye out. When we were growing up, we weren't softies like these kids today. Our toys were hazardous. They were rusty. They gave us splinters. They exploded or stabbed us. We played with chemistry sets and concocted all sorts of toxic stuff -- and we'd eat it. We had Thingmakers that would melt Plastigoop, which could burn the skin off your arm. Our Erector sets could cut a finger off. Nowadays, kids aren't even allowed to play dodgeball or swing on the monkey bars, because someone might break an arm. Honestly! You kids today. Pick up your rounded corners, hypoallergenic, flame-resistant, no-small-parts toys and get off my lawn!

Put on Your Christmas Panto (12/21/06)

2009-04-03T01:40:00.000-07:00

Every winter across the British Isles eyes light up in anticipation of one thing: It's panto season! But those lit-up eyes aren't those of kids; they're those of washed-up TV stars and C-list celebrities who know they'll be able to get a few weeks work in a Christmas Pantomime. Panto is an art form that is virtually unique to the U.K. They're almost always based on fairy tales (one site lists over 50 professional productions of "Cinderella" alone), and feature comely lasses playing the principal boys, male actors in drag as evil stepmothers, double entendres, and loads of audience participation. Pantos may not be Shakespeare, but they've drawn everyone from Ian McKellan and Danny Kaye to May McFettridge and Joe Pasquale. Some performers may think they're too big for panto, but if all you're looking for is a few songs, a few jokes, and a good night out, you could do worse.

What Do You Get for the Man Who Knows Everything? (12/14/06)

2009-04-03T01:39:00.000-07:00

You'd probably never predict it, but one of the things we love to do at the Spark is translating the works of Medieval French writers. One of our favorites is Michel de Nostredame, aka, Nostradamus. Imagine our surprise, then, to come across this particular quatrain:

When the bird has devoured the cat,
And the ass has trampled that big thing with the long nose,
Someone in a cube of metal and fabric
Will write a paean to me on my birthday.

Well, with that hanging over our heads, how could we not celebrate? Mike (as we like to call him) earned his living as a pharmacist, but became known for his prophecies that foresaw everything from Napoleon to the hula hoop with startling accuracy (or not, depending on who you talk to). Regardless, Mike, we wish you a happy 503rd birthday! We'd have gotten you a present, but you would have known what it was before even unwrapping it -- and we hate that!

Hey Lena, Where's the Lutefisk? (12/8/06)

2009-04-03T01:38:00.000-07:00

In early December, Norwegians shake off the winter cold and lethargy and start to gear up for the end of the year. Time is short and they've got plenty to do: it's time to get the lutefisk ready! Yes, lutefisk, that unique combination of stockfish and lye that even "The Man Who Ate Everything" drew the line at. But Norwegians aren't the only ones who eat unusual things in unusual combinations at holiday time. In Denmark, it's rice pudding, cabbage, and glogg. Finns indulge in liver casserole, gingerbread -- and glogg. Swedes serve up herring, cabbage, beets, and, yes, glogg. Obviously, the North American traditions of turkey, ham, and eggnog haven't made it back to the old country. Looking at the menu, though, is it any wonder that Santa fills up on cookies and milk?

I'll See You in C-U-B-A (12/1/06)

2009-04-03T01:35:00.000-07:00

Fifty years ago this weekend, Fidel Castro landed the yacht Granma on the beaches of Cuba to begin the final battles of the Cuban Revolution. It's a little easier for tourists to get there nowadays, though, and Cuba attracts some 2 million visitors a year. The embargo the U.S. government placed on the country in 1961 has been a curse and a blessing. It's effectively stifled the Cuban economy, but it's allowed the island to avoid overt commercialization and retain its unique character. But what is there for the adventurous tourist to do? Plenty. From the many urban and historical sites in Havana, Trinidad, and Santiago to the natural wonders of the Vinales Valley, there's something for everyone. So, whether you're sitting on the terrace of the Parque Central Hotel or staying at the humblest casa particular, as you puff your cigar and sip your rum and Coke, give a toast to the health (or lack thereof) of El Jefe.

The Risky Business of Attempted Assassins (11/21/06)

2009-04-03T01:34:00.000-07:00

Every endeavor or profession has its success stories and its failures, its heroes and goats. This is just as true in the murky world of political assassins. For every villainous John Wilkes Booth or Leon Czolgosz, there's a Sara Jane Moore or a Samuel Byck who failed to reach the upper echelons of infamy -- thankfully so. We would never call any murder a "success," but nevertheless it appears that some assassins are just more efficient than others. Charles Guiteau was an unsuccessful author, theologian, and lawyer, but turned out to be a whiz at shooting a president. Lynette "Squeaky" Fromme, on the other hand, was a rank amateur in the assassin pursuit, failing to properly load her gun before she tried to shoot Gerald Ford. And just consider the case of John Schrank. In 1912, he shot Theodore Roosevelt, but the bullet was deflected by Roosevelt's glasses and a copy of the speech the president was to deliver. To Shrank's frustration, Roosevelt spoke for 90 minutes after being shot and carried the bullet in his chest for the rest of his life. Yes, some assassins just can't catch a break, but it's a risky business they choose to undertake -- and we can't say we feel too sorry for them.