Beware the Sockless Menace! (5/8/07)

One of humankind's greatest achievements is the sock. It comes in a variety of sizes, colors, and shapes, all of which are dedicated to the task of keeping our tootsies toasty. As with most advancements of civilization, though, someone usually comes along to throw a monkey-wrench in the works. In this case, it's the (no doubt well-meaning) folks who have brought us "No Socks Day." No socks!? Are they crazy? Sure, they say it's "to give you more of a sense of freedom," but we know what its real intention is: it's a plot by Communists or aliens -- or someone -- to get us to keep our feet unprotected so that we all catch colds or step on rusty nails or... something. We're no fools, though: Come May 8, we'll be wearing an extra pair of socks in order to thwart their dastardly plan. No socks? They might as well tell us to come to work in pajamas, or to drill holes in our heads.